By James F. Cotter

 Local and state governments  display more common sense than the national government  because they are closer to the people.   Right? 

 Wrong–emphatically wrong.   Historically–and this is true internationally– the closer the   government is to home, the more corrupt (and inane)  it is.

Case in point:

Chuck Sheppard’s News of the Weird relays this item from the Detroit News of 19 December 2008:   “In December, the city council in Brighton, Mich., passed an ordinance making it illegal for anyone to be ‘annoying’ in public, ‘by word of mouth, sign or motions.’ Violators can be ticketed and fined.” (1)               

If I may be forgiven a certain degree of sarcasm,  I basically love this law, but it could use a bit of specificity–i.e, if I give someone the finger in Brighton, Michigan, that would probably be considered annoyance by “sign or motions.”  But what if he annoys me first?  Then could I give him the finger?

Otherwise, what a wonderful idea! With some clarifications, this should be a nationwide law. If that happens, the following types, and others, had better watch their step:

People whose car horns honk a few moments after they park and leave the car.  Their horns thereby say for them, “Here I am, everybody!”  These people ought to be impounded and their creepy cars demolished and sold as scrap metal.

Kids on skateboards.

Adults on skateboards.

People who use cell phones while driving, or while in a grocery store–in fact, anyplace where I can see or hear them.

People who spout mindless clichés like, “It’s all good.”  Nothing is all good.  God, that’s annoying.

Idiots who say “Democrat Party,” knowing damned well it’s the “Democratic Party.”  (As best I can tell, this clownish knuckleheadism was started by Bob Dole in his vice-presidential debate with Walter Mondale in 1976.)

People who haven’t a clue what a turn signal is for.

Drooling ignoramuses who think Barak Obama is the anti-Christ.

People who bring children into public places.  And that reminds me:

Obese people who block the aisle at the grocery.  Half the aisle (sometimes the entire aisle) is obstructed by their heft, the other half by their shopping cart; and, more often than not, they’ve got at least five children with them, so that your chances of even getting close to the heft or the cart, affording a prayer in hell of somehow getting past one or the other, are absolutely shot to pieces.

Gun nuts.  These people (not necessarily limited to NRA members) tend to be the stupidest and least stable gun owners on the planet, and should not be allowed within 100 miles of a gun or even a safety pin.

People who pretend to be allergic to cats or cigarette smoke.

Aside from the Brighton, Michigan ordinance, Arkansas forbids atheists from holding statewide office or testifying in court.  (Will atheism also exempt Arkansans from jury duty?)   Similar disqualifications for atheists are on the books in North Carolina, South Carolina, Maryland, Tennessee, Mississippi and, of course, Texas. (2) Such discrimination is obviously unconstitutional, and has been declared so by the Supreme Court, but who cares?  Certainly not the legislatures of these states.  The Constitution is only a scrap of paper; Bush and Cheney never let it get in their way. 

Let’s expand on this great idea. I think we should ban these people from holding office because I don’t happen to agree with them: 

Muslims

Presbyterians

Baptists

Jews

Eastern Orthodox

Western Orthodox

Southern and Northern Orthodox

In fact, very denomination except mine

Anyone who lives south of Connecticut

If we can make national such enlightened state and local  measures–or as Joe Bob would say,  if we can jist git past the dadgum fed’l guvment–then we’ll have our country back again.

I can’t wait.

 

REFERENCES

1.  http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/

2.  http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/02/arkansas_might_let_atheists_ru.php 

 

 

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